The End of a Journey (and the Beginning of Another)

So I realize I haven't updated this in months. And I believe I've already apologized for this in an earlier post so, whatever. I think I transitioned as a person while I was in Korea.
My initial blog posts were "Oh wow! Look at me! I'm on the outside looking in! This is so strange! I must document it!"
But then at some point...I just became a part of Korea.
And maybe part of it is just that...what happened to me here eventually became far too personal to write down. Nothing that happened to me after I stopped writing this seemed consequential enough to write down. I did plenty of interesting things (like how I visited the Tim Burton exhibit in Seoul and took tons of awesome illegal photos that I still haven't gotten off my ass and uploaded) but those didn't seem to be my priority for being in Korea anymore. And this blog has always been more for me than for you anyway. So I didn't write about it. I didn't have time to write about it. I became insanely busy building my life.
Packing my suitcases today, I came across trinkets and letters (as one often does) that became a sort of trail of breadcrumbs back through my memories of my time here in Korea. Some of them terrible, some of them euphoric, but all of them necessary. And while following this trail back, I slowly began to realize who I am now is not at all the same man who started this journey. And I think that's a good thing.
I have so many people to thank..people who influenced me, for better or for worse, and taught me so much about myself.
So first I suppose I should start with thanking the people, even if they may never read this:

Part 1 of 3 - The Year Book (Goodbyes I'll Never Be Brave Enough To Say):
Robin: You will always be first on this list. You can't even speak English, you asshole. You taught me how to DJ and..more than that...you pushed me to be a good DJ. You acted like an older brother to me. You pushed me out of the nest before I was ready, let me fall on my face, then pushed me out over and over again. You carried me so far and you never ever had to. You changed my life forever.

Chris: While I'm talking about mentors, I can't forget you. You've had so much patience with me and my utter lack of music production knowledge. You've helped me every step of the way (and fuck you if you think you're done teaching me yet) and never given up despite the insane learning curve. You really brought me back to music and made me realize how much I love it and want to marry it and should have never left it.

Vivian: You are my best friend in Korea...and probably one of the best friends I will ever have in the world. You taught me not all Korean girls are crazy and some even think like Western girls (but sometimes you need a "Korean girl" emotional handicap anyway ;P). I hate how you think that I will forget about you when I'm back in America. There aren't many people like you in the world, let alone in Korea.

Britta: The opposite of Vivian...you taught me not all foreigners in Korea are xenophobic, cultural isolationists. No one else likes to party with Koreans as much as you and I do and I hope you'll be around for a bit when I get back so we can watch one last drunken sunrise together.

Kyungnam: You and Hyejin are also my best friends in Korea and it's so weird that we met so randomly at Zedd's concert. Who knew we would be this close? World DJ Fest and Ultra were so much fun. I really hope some day we can DJ together on stage. Inch and Flo #1 DJ Duo. I'm really sad you're going to America when I'm going back to Korea. But it's selfish of me to make you stay for me =P I hope you go to Florida. I will make sure everyone there treats you really well and you'll have a great time.

Hyejin: You are so fucking adorable. It's king of amusing how we get along so well even though I barely speak Korean and you barely speak English. Usually that would be uncomfortable, but with you I'm always happy. I hope we still hang out a lot even after Kyungnam goes to America. You're my music festival buddy! And you till have to make my DJ logo!

Bora/Gina: You guys were my first real friends in Korea. I think, just like any first real relationship, we just made a mess of things and never really fixed it. I hope we can soon. I honestly would probably have left Korea after my first few months if it wasn't for you. You pushed me to chase my dreams and did everything you could to help me succeed. I hope some day I can replay that favor.

Naz: Just like with Bora and Gina...I'm not sure what went wrong between us or why we never bothered to fix it. We're stubborn assholes, I guess. Interestingly, I've never really seen the side of Naz that becomes the legends of foreigners across Gyeongsangnam-do, but I've seen a different side of you that many people don't typically get to see, I think. And we've been in some shit together ourselves. I hope everything goes well for you and I really have no doubt it will. You have an infectious quality about you I can only just marvel at.

Walker: I'm really stoked we're both moving to Daegu next year. I like your vibe and how you can just be yourself regardless of the company you're with. I don't think I ever told you that. Sometimes you're fucking awkward, but you're always yourself, always honest, and there's a lot the be said for that.

Bongsun: Fuck. We didn't hang out as much as I wanted to at all, but that's understandable because you are a university student and really busy. Your design work is amazing and you shouldn't worry so much about getting a job. I'm sure you will have no trouble. Be confident! I want to see you more when I come back!

DJ JunH/DJ EPIK/DJ Robby: I loved playing with you guys at Club MK and The Nin9. You are like brothers to me. I wish our lives weren't so crazy and we could have hung out more. Someday we will all DJ together again. I learn so much from each of you. Robby...keep practicing. You have a lot of talent and you will become a great DJ yourself someday if you just keep fighting. Always have confidence in yourself!

Casey: I've said this a thousand times, but fuck it I'll say it again. Fuck you. Come back to Korea. I miss you. Seriously. You're my other half. I'm going to be as gay about this as possible. It's kind of good you left, because I think I was so happy just chilling with you all the time, I don't think I would have had the drive to pursue DJing or anything if you were still here. But now that I've found myself, it's safe for you to come back, okay?

Caitlin: I think we've come to realize our personalities mix about as well as oil and water. I'm sorry for getting drunk and vomiting all over your bathroom on New Year's Eve. I don't usually throw up. It was one hell of a party. Regardless of how much stress we cause each other though, you're still an awesome person and also one of the reasons I survived Korea. If you hadn't found me, terrified and entrenched in my apartment, I would probably have bought the first ticket home after month 3.

Hyerim: My first Korean friend! You suck and moved to Australia before we could get really close, but next year in Daegu will be amazing! I hope you're as excited as I am.

All the great people I've met foreigner and native alike in Korea: Seriously wish I wasn't so anti-social/busy at times so I could have spent more time with you. There's so many great people in Changwon, each doing amazing things. I have no idea how people like Sunil can orchestrate a full theatrical production in a foreign country. Or how John, Heather and Tamas can organize these giant events and facebook groups and keep everyone in the know and really make Changwon's foreigner culture blossom. Or how James can join an intercity soccer league in Korea. Or how Conrad can race motorcycles competitively in Korea. All of you do such amazing things and were part of inspiring me to find myself, my niche, and you're all great drinking company besides!


Okay...now that that is done...for the rest of you out there...back in the states or elsewhere. Here are some things I've learned in Korea that I shouldn't have had to travel across the world to learn. So I'll present them to you here so you don't have to (even though you really should):

Part 2 of 3 - Advice From A Greenhorn Living Abroad:

1) Do what you really want to do...by any means necessary. This seems like a no-brainer...but seriously. I changed majors like 10 times in college and gave up doing many things I loved because someone along the way told me "these's no career in this" or "you'll never make money doing this". I gave up drawing, gave up writing...and worst of all..gave up my first love: music. But then i came to Korea and music found me again. And I kicked myself for having let someone talk me into giving it up in the first place. Who knows where I would be if I had never put down my violin, my drums, my guitar. Now I'm making up for lost years and I won't make that mistake twice. Fine. Maybe music wil never be my career. Maybe I'll DJ bars with 6 regular patrons for the rest of my life. Maybe no one will ever listen to my music. I don't care. It's what I want to do. Fuck you if you tell me I can't do it.

2) Learn a language. Seriously...I don't remember hardly any of the Spanish I took in high school or the Italian I took in college. But you are so much better off if you learn a language well. There are so many friends you're missing otu on making, opportunities you're missing out on taking, by refusing that skill.

3) Don't judge someone because their culture is different than your. You're more alike than you think. Yes...Korean relationships are crazy, juvenile roller-coaster rides. But just because their standards for relationships are different, doesn't mean they think differently...or even want different things ultimately. I rememver one conversation with Vivian when I explained the word "Ephemeral" came from the Ephemera fly and she told me they had that same word association in Korean...and it blew my mind in that moment. It clicked with me that languages develop differently but our mental processes are the same. Every human being reaches the same conclusions and perceives the world exactly the same. Again..this seems obvious, but sometimes the face of culture is so different than the mind.

4) Try everything. Try it. Food. Adventures. Whatever. Try it. I'm an atheist, so I believe this chance is our only chance at live. But even if you believe otherwise, you still owe it to yourself to try as mucha s you can in the lifetime. Experience everything. Why not? Try some disgusting food. What's the worst that will happen? Try some feat you never thought you could accomplish before. You might surprise yourself. This has easily become the mantra for my life. I've done things in Korea that I never would have tried in America...and I'm not really sure why location had any bearing on it.

5) Live lightly. This is just a note from a traveller's perspective...but the more things you accumulate, the more they seem to tie you down to a place. Take some time and go through everything you own. Divide it into essential and non-essential. What can you live without? What do you need? You'll find you have a lot of bullshit. Cut it out. I can carry 90% of my life in a suitcase and a bag. This feels really...freeing. Yeah...I have some collector's items at home. But all that nostalgic stuff...it's nice. But I don't need it. The people who gave me that stuff will always be in my hearts. The only reason we keep it is to honor them. Show them you love them regularly and you don't need that.

Part 3 of 3 - Advice To Those Who Wish To Follow My Footsteps (And Learn From My Mistakes):

1) Learn about the culture in advance. Wherever you go..do yourself a favor. Learn some basic phrases, some of the geography, and a bit of the culture before you go. I set myself back two months by knowing jack-shit about Korea before I came.

2) Network before you get there. Have people in place to help you get situation. There's tons of Facebook groups and websites these days that will help you. I wish I had done this.

2) Don't waste suitcase space. I seriously overpacked for Korea. I brought like three suits. Why did I think I would need three suits? I wore one of them. Once. Huge waste of space. Research where you're going...but chances are most places have the things you need. I packed tons of razors and deodorant...come to find out that it's easy to find and regularly priced in Korea. Fuck packing your favorite snacks or whatever you want but they don't have in Korea. You'll run out of it soon anyway. Accept you're in a foreign country. Eat their food. Adapt.

3) What you should pack:
a) Extension cords with multiple sockets for your electronic devices so you don't have to buy a ton of adapters.
b) A sturdy travel pack that has lots of compartments. Spend good money on it. It'll need to last you.
c) An American toothbrush.
d) pillowcases/sheets (that stuff is expensive here)
e) Some clothes (and maybe shoes) for all weather. I'm from Florida. I brought a year supply of summer clothes. Winter almost killed me.

4) What you should buy/do immediately when you get there:
a) Buy a wifi router for your house or have someone set one up for you.
b) Get a cell phone/cell phone plan. I tried going 6 months without one and my life was infinitely better after I caved.
c) Get some mode of transportation whether that is a bus pass, bicycle, subway pass, Something. Make it a priority. And get an English map if you can.
d) Cleaning supplies/household amenities: It'll put you out a couple hundred bucks initially and may seem daunting, but you want your place to feel like home. The more you do that, the less homesick and uncomfortable you'll be.
e) Get to know shop owners and people in your general vicinity. I wish I had talked it up with my landlord when I moved in. Took me ten months. He's a really nice guy. I also befriended some local restaurants and sometimes get free food.

- End of Series - 

So that's it. My life has changed a lot. I've begun DJing, producing music, learning Korean. And I really love Korea. Coming back next year, my plan is to drastically improve my Korean and begin making a name for myself as a DJ in Korea. I also want to become a better teacher and I know working at a public school will push me to do that. I have this feeling that next year is going to be a big year for me. The dominoes are set...I only need to put them in motion.

I now have my life neatly packed away in four massive suitcases. Two are staying here because I have every intention of coming back to finish what I started.

Chapter 1 is finished. Chapter 2 has yet to begin.

Birthday Postmortem

Just so no one thinks everything is so peachy wonderful here all the time, I'll admit that certain times are ridiculously rough. My birthday was a prime example of this. I started off the day in a phenomenal mood because my fraternity brothers Skyped me and I got a video call from my parents as well, so getting to talk to them put an immediate spring in my step.

Bored and sad at work        

I got to school and started off by teasing my students about the date. Normally   I ask them how the weather is, what today's date is, etc. But today I stopped and asked "why is September 12th special?" and they would get all flustered and inevitably baffled until I told them that it was birthday and I received a round of "happy birthdays" from all the students. Then I would ask "what do people do to celebrate their birthdays in Korea?" and without fail every class said "have a party with friends and family" and the reality of that impossibility for me slow sank deeper into my mind as the day progressed. I started getting a little choked up toward the end of the day until one of my co-teachers asked "what's wrong?" I couldn't even get out the entire phrase and ended up saying "It's my birth-" before having to stop cuz I legitimately thought I was going to cry. 

I was just thinking of all the craziness that would be going on back home for my birthday. A nice dinner with my parents and maybe a day out fishing followed by a party at the fraternity house with all my brothers and a trip to a bar with some of the ones I'm closer to. Instead I'm sitting at a desk grading papers. I think my co-teachers felt bad, because they didn't call me into my later classes and let me just chill in the office, but that was even worse because it was like 6am in America so no one was on Facebook and I was just left alone with my depressing thoughts. 

Solidly Western meal

Luckily, I do have good friends here in Korea and they helped cheer me up a lot. After work we went to Masan (my first trip to Masan!) to get some Pizza da Gennero, which is the legit Italian pizza joint here. We got some phenomenal pizza (some kinds I've never even tried before) and beer before heading over to Baskin Robbins and grabbing an ice cream cake from a wall of masterfully sculpted cakes. They put it in cool insulated styrofoam box with dry ice and then we headed to Palyong to try and find some alleged pirate ship playground. After walking all over the damn place, we found it and it was a pretty awesome pirate ship, I won't lie. We sat in the pirate ship, lit some candles and had our own little party up there in our birthday-pirate-ship-fort. I couldn't help but feel like I was in that movie "16 Candles"...which I've never seen except for that birthday cake scene but it reminded me a lot of that. I'm really lucky to have met such thoughtful and cool people.

I don't think my birthday had anything to do with it, but ever since then (it's only been like 5 days, mind you) I've just been agreeing to the most ridiculous things that I would have never done in the states. So Friday, Casey, Caitlin, Naz and I meet up with a few people in Sangnam who were trying to start up a "bike party" in SoKo (Erin has coined this term and I love it, so I will now always refer to Korea as SoKo). Apparently this is a big think they do in California? And it gets up to 4000 people in attendance. Obviously we probably won't get 4000 bikers in SoKo, but Changwon has a bike rental system calle Nubija, so it actually makes it pretty easy to obtain a bike. So this group wanted to bike 15 miles through Korea....which normally I would NEVER do...but..what the hell, right?

Those are some
pretty cool cakes.

So we meet in Sangnam, unfortunately I don't have a Nubija because I don't yet have a Korean phone (I'm learning this is more akin to having a SSID in America than your actual SSID in SoKo. They use it to verify your ID for practically everything). The leader of the event, Coby, thankfully had a bike of his own that he lent me. It was one of those collapsable bicycles that look absolutely ridiculous but ride really well. And I'm about to ride it all the way to Jinhae.

                       Peak of my birthday                       

We set off, alcohol in hand, ringing bells and screaming "Bike Party!" like complete assholes, but it was a lot of fun. Not too far into our trip, we pass a Korean man and do the usual: ring bells, chug, scream "bikeparty!". But then, right after we pass him, we stop at a Nubija rental to renew our bike passes. While I'm waiting for everyone to rescan their bikes, he catches up to us and walks up to me saying "so beautiful!" I think it's safe to assume he was drunk. He begins to reach into his pocket and Casey thinks that he is taking out a camera/phone because Koreans are always asking to take pictures with me. Instead, he takes out his wallet and pulls out a 5,000 Won bill and tries to hand it to me. I think he is trying to tell me to rent a Nubija since I'm the only one without one so I say "Ken-cha-na-yo. No, thank you. I'm fine." because I already have a bike! 

He then pulls out a peach bill and holds it up to my face. I'm thinking "What? Is my skin the same color as the bill? Does my face look like the guy on the bill?" Casey is equally as puzzled and everyone else has rode ahead. Next thing I know, the Korean man sloppily kisses his bill and smacks it onto my forehead. I bow slightly and say "kam-sa-ham-ni-da! (thank you!)" and he starts to walk away, so we start peddling away as well. Caey turns to me and says "Did that guy just stick 50 bucks on your forehead?" I pull it off and, sure enough, it's a 50,000 Won note. Only 10 minutes into the night and I already made 50 bucks. Put me in a pretty good mood.

We're about to descend into the tunnel...

We then eventually reach this tunnel...which turns out to be the most magically awesome tunnel ever. It's like a mile long and on a slight downhill slope, so the we just speed down this tunnel-hill and it feels like a rollar coaster. It probably sounds stupid in a blog, but there really is no way to adequately explain how it felt. Probably one of the most fun things I've ever done. The rest of the trip down to the Dream Bay was downhill as well, so it was smooth sailing the whole way. We get to the bay and I spend the 50 on booze and fireworks and we shot Roman candles out into the bay. We then proceeded to drink heavily into the night and were either assholes who scared away all the Koreans, or we were just there until very late. Eventually, we started biking back and it started raining ever so slightly. I obviously couldn't go the night uninjured so, at a downhill portion, I squeezed the brakes on the collapsable bike really hard because I forgot how quickly it stopped. I flew over the handlebars and into the street. Bled quite a bit. The people at GS25 were super nice and helped clean me up, but I was not up for the bars at 330am when we got back like everyone else was. I was out for the night.

Yes, I realize I'm wearing the same thing Saturday
as I did Wednesday...I don't have a lot of fall clothes =P

The next day Casey and I went to Lotte Mart to buy taco fixings for a potluck that night. The potluck ended up being really cool and I met a lot of awesome people. One guy, Sunil, got me to agree to audition for a play he was directing and another group got me to agree to go to a cultural festival the next day. See? Literally just up for anything. It's not like I have a lot to do otherwise, so in that sense SoKo is really liberating. The food was outrageously delicious too. I probably overate.

The next day I met up with Brittany, Suzie, and bunch of other new acquaintances to check out the cultural Airang (I think I spelled that correctly?) It was raining all day, which sucked, but ponchos were free and there was a ton of food to try. SoKo has taught me I am a complete sucker for good curry. I don't think I'd ever had Indian food before coming here, but damn....I don't think I've tried a curry I didn't like. That may have to be a main staple of my diet in Korea. There were also a bunch of musical performances by international pop artists from many different countries. It was cool to see people go wild with such cultural enthusiasm. I feel like my American enthusiasm is so much more lackluster than other people's, but my enthusiasm for things in general is significantly less I think.

A Philippino artist performing at the Airang

Not sure what will come next, but maybe it's better that way! I'll keep you posted!

Fitting In

Beginning my 3rd month in Korea, it's actually interesting to see how far I've come. It's honestly probably farther than I ever thought I could come on my own. I started off as a "baby back bitch" who couldn't figure out how to turn on the washing machine and was afraid to leave my house because I thought I would get lost and end up wandering the streets of Korea forever.

Tonight I went out for Korean BBQ with my director and co-teachers as a sort of "going away party" for Boram, and got to bust out a little of the Korean I had learned. Earlier today I pseudo-ordered gimbap on my own as well. If I keep going at this pace, I hope to be able to hold a minor conversation within the 4 month mark. We'll see how that goes.

At some point my director just started feeding my soju,
then after I got a little tipsy reminded me
 to keep my Korean language in "polite" form.

It honestly feels like Final Fantasy X/X-2, when you had to learn the Al Bhed language. Like...at first it's all absolute gibberish..but it's more like a phrasal cipher. I keep unlocking little bits and learning more and more. It's really cool. Certainly more fun than the 3 years of Spanish I took and didn't retain a word of.

It's really a wonderful language and culture. It's really redefined the concept of gratitude for me. Gratitude isn't something you owe to someone after they do something for you, but rather something that you pay forward. You aren't thankful for what people have done for you, you're just grateful for those people. I really miss Boram at work already, after only working with her for two months, so I can't imagine how it'll feel when I have to say goodbye to everyone in ten months, potentially. 

We had the manager help us set it up
thanks to Catherine's skilled Korean.

Same with Casey and Caitlin. They'll be gone at the end of the month, and I'm not sure what that'll mean for me. Luckily, Casey has graciously been connecting me to the rest of his social network in Korea, and there are really some solidly cool people here. This weekend we went screen golfing with a Canadian couple, David and Catherine, who really made me see Korea as a long term prospect. Just listening to Catherine talk to the proprietor in fluent Korean after only a year here was an awe-inspiring insight. There's really no way to explain how cool it is to speak a foreign language on foreign soil. It's humbling and inspiring simultaneously. Their enthusiasm for the language and culture here also drove me to study harder.

Screen golf was a lot of fun, but nothing like real golf at all. I was terrible at it. The feel is totally different, and I didn't really get the hang of it until the end of the game. They were also pretty serious about it there. I would like to open a noraebang/screen golf course, because that seems like it would be a complete blast.

Casey ended up being pretty damn good.

We were mostly dicking around...

Meeting people in Korea is also pretty strange. It's very ephemeral. It feels like we're all chilling at this eternal rest stop. Some people get off the train and join the circle as other say their farewells and board the train for God knows where. Some people have grown tired of even greeting their new company since they'll most likely be gone soon enough anyway. Everything feels very spectral...very transitory...like we're all just sort of floating between dimensions. But that's not a bad thing. It's just not...America. haha. It's more about enjoying the journey than fortifying the castle, so to speak.

I finally feel like I'm fitting in. I have Korean friends, Western friends, and sort of can fumble my way through basic Korean. A few things are still on the agenda:

1) I found a comic book (manga) store, and thought it would be a great way to learn the language because of all the pictures. However, it turns out it's a manga LIBRARY, which I really have no idea how to negotiate my way around yet, so that'll have to wait a bit.

2) I opened a bank account yesterday and will hopefully a bike pass and Korean cell phone will follow.

Doesn't look like anything special, just a bank.
The ATM is what looks super awesome. Need a picture...

Seriously, Korea is the future. They use their phones for everything from bank transactions to bike rentals to online shopping to vending machines. Unfortunately, that future sucks for foreigners. lol.

They also have ATMs that let you deposit money AND checks so...yeah...we're a bit behind the times.

It's strange. Before coming here, I honestly thought my life was extremely limited in terms of what I could do professionally...but today it suddenly dawned on me...I can practically spin a globe, stop it with my finger, and any landmass I'm touching, I could go teach there. I basically have a free ticket to explore the world. I'm not sure what's next. I love Korea, but maybe I'll go spend a year in Brazil to be close to my brother, or go to Japan to be closer to Alexis, or Peru...just because! The world is full ov possibilities!

There's like a million flavors of this stuff.

I've gotten really lazy about blogging and I should spart posting useful stuff I'm learning for newbies. I'll probably post my "MTVKorea Cribs" blog/ "Survival Kit" blog soon...and I've set a goal for myself to document every single kind of triangular gimbap they sell and rate it (there is a LOT). I'll post that some day too.

This weekend should be a pretty awesome adventure. More fitting in and expanding of the social circle. I'll let you know how it goes! Good morning America! I'm off to bed!

Looking Toward The Future

Before I left for Korea, some summer evenings, Alexis and I would grab a random recipe from Publix and prepare a delicious meal for my family simply following the recipe step by step and making more missteps than anything.

But, one time in particular, I remember a recipe called for us to blanch some broccoli, which neither of us had ever heard of, even less knew how to do. After some brief googling, we figured it out and the broccoli turned out delicious.

Blanching is a cooking process wherein the food substance, usually a vegetable or fruit, is plunged into boiling water, removed after a brief, timed interval, and finally plunged into iced water or placed under cold running water (shocked) to halt the cooking process.

This memory comes to mind, because I sort of feel like that broccoli right now. It sounds weird, but its the best way to describe moving to Korea. In America, I would have simmered and probably come out limp and soggy broccoli, but moving to Korea was a blanching process. I was plunged into an ice bath and was cooked immediately, brightening my color and solidifying my flavor.

I now have some sort of perspective on the world and know what I have to do. I don't know exactly what I want to do, but I need to start moving forward. Korea was that sudden moment of "Hey! You aren't a kid any more!"

I'm going to start studying for my GRE's and reapply to the JET Program. I want to be in Japan next year while Alexis is going to school at TUJ. Hopefully, after experiencing teaching a year in Korea I'll be more prepared for my interview (although I'm not sure how I'll get to it if I'm in Korea...).

Will I want to come back to Korea after that? I don't know. Maybe. It's certainly far too early to tell. I'm learning Korean anyway, because I really love the language. I really love the people too, but there's plenty of things I think I'll always miss about America. I already miss bath tubs, steaks, fast food, America pizza, and hot tubs.

Korea has plenty of things that beat out America, to be sure, but I'm starting to realize that it doesn't really matter where I go in the world. There's no magical place that can make you happy. It's the people that you surround yourself with that make you happy. I feel like a baby for being so homesick already, but family life was never the most stable...and now that it's sort of solidifying, it's hard to finally leave. I miss golfing with my family and going on boat trips or just hanging out in the back yard and talking. I never got to go deep sea fishing in America, and I definitely miss those stupid little things I forgot to take advantage of. I'm going to make sure to take advantage of every opportunity in Korea so I don't feel the same regret when I leave here.

I definitely needed to leave, but I don't really want to drift anymore. The guy I took over for has been moving from foreign school to foreign school for 8 years and has yet to call anywhere home. I find that kind of sad. I thought I was that kind of person for the longest time, but now I'm realizing I was just scared of finality. I still am. Moving into my apartment was the slowest process ever. I'm still honestly not 100% done with unpacking. Every time I get more settled in, it just feels that much more definitive. But at the same time, not being able to call anything or anyone home is more terrifying. Especially right now, I feel like a leaf in the middle of a pond.

I'm not trying to brood, but I'm definitely understanding that I want to put down roots at some point. Everyone says Korea is a great place to save up money, and that's true, but that's also because you don't put money into anything. I thought I hated Cocoa Beach, but now that I'm here....the grass is always greener right?

Definitely at an emotional low today, but it's positive as well because I'm setting goals. I'm getting a taste of a little bit of everything here, lifestyle-wise. In the end, this will be a great experience for me and I can walk away knowing a lot more about who I am and what I really want out of life.